


Lup and the Kind of Okay, Could be Better Day

by GloriousGarbage



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Lucretia finds Lup AU, Lucretia is trying her best, Rated T for language, and canon typical shenanigans, in which Lucretia puts two and two together, lots of liches having Very Powerful Feelings, spoilers for everything post Petals to the Metal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22515841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriousGarbage/pseuds/GloriousGarbage
Summary: A shockwave shot out of the broken handle, and Lucretia was sent flying. She hit the wall as she fell, her head slamming back hard and leaving her dazed. And in the air, there was a woman’s laughter, loud and joyous.AU in which LUP is burned into the cafeteria wall and the Madame Director actually follows up on it. Lucretia has a lot of feelings, and Lup is tired of being the sane one in the family.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, The Director | Lucretia & Lup
Comments: 35
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia guesses right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, one and all, and welcome to my first fanfic in years and my first ever posting on this site. As someone who is trying to graduate my final semester, this is absolutely the worst time for me to be getting back into the swing of things, but the TAZ bug bit me good and now I am at its mercy. My hubris is your entertainment, so please enjoy!
> 
> (I don't think this fic will contain any triggering content, but if you spot something please let me know and I will tag ASAP.)

She had just wanted a damn muffin.

Lucretia did not usually eat with the rest of the Bureau. She had a professional distance to maintain, and, if she ate in her office, she could consume calories _and_ keep working towards saving the universe. Maximum efficiency.

On this particular day, however, someone had brought a big box of lemon blueberry muffins up from the surface, and they were being dispersed in the cafeteria. Davenport was already occupied with an errand, so if she wanted that sweet, lemony goodness, Lucretia would have to get it herself.

What she went looking for was a muffin. What she found was an irritable janitor staring at the name of Lucretia’s best friend—MIA, presumed dead, forgotten by all but two— _burned_ into the cafeteria wall.

_This isn’t possible,_ was all her stunned, useless brain could offer, and yet it was.

A quick tap of her staff, and the name was gone, the walls once again smooth and unmarred by past sins.

Lucretia could feel the eyes of the cafeteria’s occupants on her back, curious, so she turned to meet the room at large. The look on her face must have truly been something to see based on the hush that immediately fell, the tension so thick in the air it was hard to breathe.

“What. _Happened?”_

***

She found Angus first. Lucretia was stalking past the library when the boy came rushing out the door, his arms full of tomes; a quick glance at the top of the stack revealed them to be what was probably their entire selection on anything remotely related to the Umbra Wizards. He had a look on his face like a man (boy) on a mission, and she could guess what it was.

“Hi, Madame Director,” Angus greeted her distractedly. “Can’t talk now, got a mystery on my hands!” he called, already rushing past her.

“That will have to wait, Angus. I need to speak with you, now.” Her voice was cold and grave, and it stopped the detective in his tracks. “I understand there was an incident in the cafeteria. I need you to tell me everything that happened.”

Angus turned and looked up at her with clear surprise and slight wariness. Lucretia usually spoke to him with more warmth than she allowed herself with the others, and he didn’t seem to know what to make of the change.

“Is- is something wrong, Director?” Angus asked, hesitantly, then started babbling. “Madame, it wasn’t Taako’s fault, Taako was just trying to teach me magic, I was the one who made the bad macarons and-”

Lucretia sighed to herself and put a hand on Angus’ shoulder, squeezing once, firmly. “Angus, I’m not mad, and no one is in trouble. I just need to understand what happened. Please, start from the beginning.”

“Oh, okay.” After a moment Angus seemed to gather himself.

“Um, you know how Taako has been teaching me how to do wizardly magics? We met up today to practice, and I showed him that I can do Produce Flame now. And he said that he was proud of me, then he said he was going to destroy me, then he said it was for a theater production… Anyway, it was weird and uncomfortable, but then I gave him some macarons I made as a thank you gift for the lessons.” He grimaced.

“Unfortunately, they weren’t very good, so Taako was going to make them taste better with Prestidigitation… Except fire came out of the Umbra Staff instead and destroyed them. I thought he just really didn’t like my cookies, but Taako said it wasn’t him, then the Umbra Staff started casting Scorching Ray at the wall all on its own. It spelled out L—U—P before it stopped and went back to normal. After Taako ran off, I came straight to the library to see what I could find,” he finished, lifting his stack a little higher to demonstrate.

Lucretia held herself very still throughout the explanation, barely keeping herself from flinching towards the end. She took a deep breath and tried to organize her racing thoughts.

“Thank you, Angus,” she said, finally. “Do you know where Taako went? I need to speak with him about this.” Angus looked concerned again. Lucretia felt her heart swell with exasperated affection despite itself. Angus had such obvious loyalty to Taako, and he was clearly worried he’d thrown the elf under the bus. “No, he’s not in trouble.”

“Um, I’m not sure where he went, ma’am. He might be hiding; I think he didn’t want anyone to yell at him or make him clean the wall.” That earned him a small chuckle, and Angus seemed to relax a little.

“Alright, I’ll just call him on the intercom. Thank you again, and good luck with your investigation. Let me know if you find anything,” she added, knowing that he wouldn’t. Angus perked up at the encouragement.

“You’re welcome, Madame Director. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated,” he said with his signature cheesy grin. Lucretia gave him a strained smile in return, then turned and swept off to her office, her mind a whirlwind.

***

“What? No! It’s not even from the Bureau, I found it, it’s mine.”

“Taako, please be reasonable,” Lucretia said tiredly, barely resisting the urge to rub her temples. When she had called Taako over the intercom, he had taken a while to arrive, clearly dragging his feet and reluctant to come in. When she asked him to recount the events of the cafeteria and—again—the circumstances in which he found the umbrella, he had been cagey and wary. And when she informed him that she would be confiscating his Umbra Staff, his response was, predictably, less than thrilled.

“Why are we even talking about this? It’s just a stupid wall, if it’s that big a deal I’ll fix it myself. Fuck, I’m a transmutation wizard, I could make a whole new wall if you wanted. You want a wall made of gold? I can make that shit happen.”

“Taako, the issue is not the wall, that has already been dealt with. The issue is that your arcane focus is firing off dangerous spells on its own; it’s a safety hazard. Someone could have been hurt, _Angus_ could have been hurt.” Taako scoffed.

“Angus is fine, not a single hair on his know-it-all head was even singed.”

“Taako, Angus may be the world’s greatest detective, but he is just a little boy. Do you know how many hit points little boys have? Not many. Never mind hurt, he could have been killed.” The rebellious, petulant look remained on Taako’s face, but she could see it cracking a little. “This is my fault. You told me you found this on a dead red robe, I should have investigated immediately to make sure it was safe.”

“Director, it’s never hit an ally,” Taako tried again. “It’s only ever gone off on its own when I was in danger; it’s been pretty helpful in the whole ‘keep Taako alive’ department, something I would like to keep doing if it’s all the same to you.” She tilted her head.

“What was the danger this time? What was it protecting you from that could justify firing off powerful spells near your co-workers?” Taako just glared back at her, seemingly trying to think of an answer.

Lucretia wondered how much of his anger actually came from losing such a powerful weapon and how much of it came from a subconscious desperately clinging to anything of Lup’s. Honestly, even if someone had gotten hurt, in most circumstances she would have let him keep the Umbra Staff. He was right that it had been helpful, and his continued existence was one of her top priorities. Perhaps more importantly, she loathed separating him from the only thing left behind by his sister. In this case, however, she would make an exception.

“Fine, whatever,” Taako snapped. He lifted the Umbra Staff and dropped it rudely on her desk before turning to walk out the door.

“Wait, Taako, wait a moment,” Lucretia called after him, reaching into her desk drawer for her paper and quill. Taako turned and watched as she quickly jotted something down before sealing the sheet in an envelope.

“Take this to the Fantasy Costco and give it to Garfield. Just this once I will comp you an arcane focus to replace this one—considering it’s Bureau policy that’s causing you to lose it.” _That_ got his attention, and the look on his face was one she knew well.

“An _arcane focus,_ Taako,” she emphasized as she passed over the envelope. “Something powerful for your spellcasting. Not just something expensive cause you can’t afford it otherwise, and especially not the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom.” Lucretia might have accumulated quite a bit of gold in the making of her organization, but she wasn’t made of money; the budget cuts required to pay for something like that would be a nightmare.

Taako was giving her an overly innocent look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, why would I know anything about a sword? Actually, why do _you_ know anything about a sword?” When she didn’t answer, his grin stretched wider.

“ _Lucretia?_ ” Taako asked in a sing-song voice, and her heart clenched hard at the familiarity. “Have you been window shopping? Had your eye on it and don’t want anyone to snatch it up?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Taako. I am an abjuration wizard, a practitioner of the defensive magical arts. What possible use could I have for something like that?” A pause as he just grinned at her. “… But I have to admit, it would look pretty fucking rad on my mantle.” That earned her a delighted laugh.

“Too bad, Director, I’m getting there first.” Seeing her about to protest, “ _Next time,_ next time I guilt you into writing me a blank check.”

Lucretia rolled her eyes, the corners of her lips twitching as she valiantly attempted to keep down a smile at his antics. Maybe she would normally have less patience, but right now she was too relieved to see him accepting the olive branch.

“I’ll expect a receipt.” Back into business mode, “That’s all I needed of you. If there’s nothing else on your end, I need to get to work.”

“Yeah, alright, later. Don’t blow yourself up poking at that thing.” He walked out of the room, throwing a peace sign over his shoulder as he left.

Lucretia watched the closed door for a moment before slowly turning her gaze to the staff lying in front of her.

_“Taako, where did you find that umbrella?” Barry’s voice came in over the Stone of Farspeech—distorted and strange, but it had to be him—and, beneath her rising panic, Lucretia fought back tears. “You- YOU FOUND HER?”_

Lucretia rested her chin in her hand, fingers over her mouth, while the other hand tapped lightly on her desk. She stayed that way for several long minutes before finally jumping to her feet, snatching up the umbrella and heading into her personal chambers. Once there, she grabbed a bag and stowed the umbrella inside (no one needed to see her walking around with this thing) along with a pouch of spell components. She cast around a moment for anything else she might need before heading back into her office.

“Davenport,” the gnome, back from his task, perked up from his seat in her office. “I am going to the brig. Unless there is an emergency, I am not to be disturbed.”

“Davenport.”

“And when I say emergency, I mean the moon is under attack, or we’re falling from the sky, or literally the entire planet is on fire. Nothing less.”

“Davenport!”

Lucretia nodded to her friend, then stalked off into the hall. Lucretia used ‘walk like you’re ready to murder’ and it was super effective; not a single person tried to stop her to voice any questions or concerns, and she soon was in the elevator descending into the brig.

There were six standard cells in the brig, only one of them occupied. These did not interest her. She walked past the last cell (currently containing a sleeping Robbie) to a door with a key code lock set in the back wall. She punched in the seven-digit code, her mouth a tight line, and the door opened to reveal a descending staircase.

The stairs went down three flights before opening into a large circular chamber, 60 feet in diameter and with a 20-foot ceiling. In the center of the room, taking up most of the space, was a large white circle, the border made of intricate magical runes. Lucretia set her staff against the wall, took a small jar of paint and a fine brush out of her components pouch, and began carefully combing the room, looking for any sigils or runes that looked the slightest bit worn. This room was full of wards, and she needed them to be perfect.

Once Lucretia was satisfied with her search, she set her bag down on the ground and removed the Umbra Staff. Her hands had begun to shake a bit as she stared down at the umbrella, her friend’s creation, the only thing they had left of Lup. She started to lift it out in front of her, then instead hugged it tightly to her chest, her body almost curling around it.

“Please,” she whispered to herself. “Please be right.” Then Lucretia held the Umbra Staff out in front of her, so it was fully behind the line of the circle. With a little magic strengthening her hands, she snapped it in two.

A shockwave shot out of the broken handle, and Lucretia was sent flying. She hit the wall as she fell, her head slamming back hard and leaving her dazed. And in the air, there was a woman’s laughter, loud and joyous.

Lucretia looked up and saw a column of fire entirely filling the circle. After a moment, the flames dispersed, and in the center of the room was a floating red robe, a vibrant specter with arms thrown wide as she spun and laughed.

“Lup,” Lucretia croaked, tears instantly beginning to stream down her cheeks and a wide smile stretching across her face. Her friend turned towards the sound, and even though Lup currently didn’t have a face, Lucretia knew she was beaming.

“Lucretia!” Lup cried, and the red robe rushed forward as if to throw her incorporeal arms around the other woman.

This course of action was stopped as Lup suddenly hit a wall—more specifically, the edge of the circle. The lich paused, hood tilted in confusion, then lifted a hand, pressing against the invisible barrier and failing to pass through.

Immediately, all levity was sucked out of the room as the two women remembered where they were. It was silent for a long moment, the two just staring at each other. Then, Lucretia was struggling to her feet, words tumbling from her mouth before she knew what to do with them.

“Lup, I—I’m so _glad._ You were gone for so long and—Taako and Barry, they—you just _vanished_ and we had no idea what— _fuck,_ Lup, it’s so good to see you.” Back on solid footing, Lucretia stepped forward, careful now of the boundary between them.

“It’s good to be seen,” Lup agreed with false cheer. “You know what would be even more good? If I wasn’t trapped in a magic anti-lich circle. Think you could do something about that, babe? Then I could come and hug you, then my brother and the boys, and then I could go find Barry? Whomst hasn’t seen me in years?”

“…Lup, you know why I can’t do that, I—wait a second, how much _do_ you know?” Lup shrugged.

“You know, it’s a little hard to know things when you’re trapped in a magic umbrella and every moment of exterior awareness is one you have to struggle and fight for, but I think I have an idea. You’re determined to do your shield plan, so you fed our memories to Fisher so the team couldn’t stop you. Now, you have everyone but Barry helping you collect the relics. Oh! And you’ve also convinced everyone that the ‘red robes’ are evil, power-hungry mages to be feared and despised. Is that about right?”

Lup’s cheery voice grew a bit harsher as she continued, small red sparks starting to shoot off her shoulders and bounce off the walls of her containment. “Obviously there’s more to it than Fisher since the boys drank the Kool-Aid and yet my own fucking brother doesn’t recognize my name when I magically carve it into a wall for him—but do I have the general idea?”

Lucretia abruptly sat down on the ground, about a foot from the circle. Lup looked down at her, clearly surprised, the sparks flying off her sizzling out. After a moment, Lup floated down and joined her.

“Lucretia,” Lup said, her voice firm but not unkind. “Talk to me.”

And Lucretia did. Lucretia told Lup everything. Everything she had been keeping to herself for 12 long, lonely years came rushing out, and it was such a _relief._ A bad idea—obviously. But it had been too long since Lucretia had talked to a friend who knew her, who knew what they all had been through. Lucretia wanted to share, and Lup deserved an explanation. And, as long as Lucretia did her job right, it wouldn’t matter what Lup knew.

Lup was quiet and attentive as Lucretia told her tale, only interrupting once as Lucretia explained her ordeal in Wonderland.

“Okay, that—that makes sense. I was really wondering, cause I’m not great with human aging, and Magnus looks older but not _that_ much older. I was wondering if it might be job stress, in which case we’d really need to kidnap you for a vacation.” A wet chuckle from Lucretia. “But, uh, that makes sense.” Gently, “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

Lucretia finished her story, and Lup took the opportunity to give her own account about why she disappeared, what she was trying to do and what had kept her. Lucretia had to stop herself from leaning over the line to hug Lup as she described her death and captivity.

After, the two sat in silence, absorbing all that had been said. Lup broke the quiet first.

“Lucretia… Taako doesn’t remember me. You made everyone forget everybody, I know that, but the others still got to keep themselves. They’ve all been alone before. But Taako and I have been together since day one. My brother is my heart and I am his and _you made him forget_.” The pain in Lup’s voice was like a lance to Lucretia’s chest.

“Lup, I am so sorry, I am _so sorry,_ but please understand—I _agonized_ over what to do with your memory. I never wanted to take you away from Taako, but I couldn’t see any other way. If I had edited around you—Taako, you used to have a sister that went missing one day—you know he would have never stopped looking. He would have looked for you, and he would have gotten himself killed doing so.” Lucretia paused, took a deep breath.

“I… considered planting a false memory where you had existed but died—so he would at least know you, at least remember that he hadn’t _always_ been alone, but… Gods, Lup, losing you was so hard. We had every reason to hope that you were still out there somewhere, and it was still _so hard._ I can’t imagine waking up and _knowing_ that I would never see you again. To do that to Taako on top of everything else he’d lose…” Something like a snort came from the red hood.

“Yeah, no, thanks for not retroactively fridging me, that was probably a good call.” Despite the flippant words, Lup’s voice was heavy with emotion as she looked away. Lucretia thought she heard a sniffle, but since Lup didn’t have bodily fluids that was probably her imagination. The silence stretched on once again while Lup seemed to settle herself. Finally, she looked back and held Lucretia’s gaze.

“I understand what you are doing and why you are doing it,” she began. “We can talk more about it later. Right now, you need to let me go; I have to find Barry.”

“Lup…”

“Lucretia, Barry is straight up _not_ having a good time. Have you heard how he talked to the boys? He sounds fucking bananas! He’s alone, his family fears him, and he doesn’t know where I am or if I’m even okay. For someone whose sanity is kind of _entirely_ dependent on his close personal relationships, that is a very dangerous place to be. You know this.”

“Lup, I _can’t._ You and Barry together are virtually unstoppable, and I _must_ stop this. I’m sorry, but I can’t have you getting in my way.” Lup stared at Lucretia for a long moment.

“You’re really okay with this?” Lup asked. Her voice was low and calm, but it was a bit of a wasted effort. Red lightning was skittering off the surface of her cloak, and as she continued to speak, the intensity only grew, until the inside of the circle was like a bottled storm. “You’re okay with knowingly letting your brother, my husband, suffer and possibly lose himself for the sake of this plan?”

“For the sake of the world, Lup.” Another bolt, this one powerful enough to send thunder rolling through the room. Lucretia stood up, knees protesting, and Lup rose with her.

“And no, I’m not.” The lightning stopped. “I—I won’t let you leave, but on this one matter I won’t keep Barry in the dark. I’ll find some way to contact him and let him know that you’re alright.” Lup’s shoulders slumped, her relief palpable, but she was obviously far from happy.

“Lucretia, _please_ let me go to him _.”_ But Lucretia just shook her head.

“Barry’s lasted this long without knowing what happened to you. I’m sure hearing that you’re okay will be more than enough to keep him going.” Lucretia picked up the broken remains of the umbrella and retrieved her staff. “He won’t have to wait long. In just a few months, this will all be over, and everyone can be together again.”

Lucretia allowed herself one final look at her long lost friend, now her prisoner. She said, “I’ll come visit you soon,” then left.

She’d honestly forgotten about Robbie’s existence during all that hubbub, but as she passed the threshold of the stairs, he was quick to remind her.

“Hey, uh, Director, what’s going on? I heard some crazy noises and—whoa, are you okay?” Lucretia had also forgotten that she still had tear stains on her face and only just noticed the dried blood she could feel on her neck—probably from when she hit her head. She did not acknowledge Robbie beyond the slightest pause in her steps and instead continued straight to the elevator.

“Wait, Director! How much longer are you going to keep me down here? Can I at least—” and then the doors closed. In the privacy of the elevator, she cast Prestidigitation to make herself presentable, and then she was going up.

***

Back in her office, Lucretia stared down at her spell book, deliberating.

The thing was, she had tried to find Barry before. She spent months looking for him when he first went missing, and every time she found a lead the trail would go cold; eventually she stopped finding even that much. When he finally showed himself in Captain Captain Bain’s office, she looked again, and still found nothing. None of the divination magic she knew went through, and she could never find any rumors of red robed ghosts floating around. (Not that Lucretia really expected either of those to work; she knew Barry had wards to protect from scrying, and he wouldn’t be stupid enough to just let random people see him unless he’d already lost himself.)

So, she could not send him a physical message. The Sending spell, however, should work. It allowed the caster to mentally send a short message to anyone they knew anywhere in the universe, though there was a small chance of failure if the recipient was on a different plane. It was the basis for the Stones of Farspeech, but in this case you didn’t need to have the recipient’s frequency.

Course of action decided, Lucretia pulled out a sheet of paper to help her figure out how to word the spell… and proceeded to horribly overthink it. She had crossed out 20 different versions of the same message before she had to remind herself that she _did_ have other work she needed to get to, stop finding reasons to put this off. And it was a form of procrastination.

What she was about to do made her very nervous. Lucretia wasn’t used to sharing information when she wasn’t in control anymore, and she hadn’t spoken to Barry in a decade. She missed him terribly, but she doubted he’d be happy to hear from her. Well, he’d probably be happy to hear about Lup, not so much the part where he didn’t get to see her.

Lucretia picked up the paper and burned it in her hand. She needed to get this over with.

“Davenport, I’ll be right back.”

“Davenport!”

Lucretia went into her personal chambers where no one could see what she was doing. She took a few deep breaths, lifted her staff, and cast the spell. Then, she waited for a response. And waited. And kept waiting. She waited until she could feel the panic settling in.

Why wasn’t he replying? The spell hadn’t failed, she felt it send. Was he sleeping and—no, no, liches don’t sleep. Was he on a different plane and her spell was unlucky? Maybe the wards Barry used kept _any_ long-distance spells from acting on him, not just divination?

…Or maybe it was too late. Maybe Lup was right to be concerned, and Barry was in no state to reply to her message.

She cast the spell again, the same message. Nothing.

Lucretia had a hand over her mouth, the other gripping her staff tightly. No, it wouldn’t do to speculate. Either Barry was fine, or he wasn’t; she couldn’t do anything with the later, so assume the former. Sending wasn’t working, that she knew. She’d just have to try something else.

Lucretia returned to her office and tried to refocus on the many demands required of the Director, but her mind kept circling back to one point; what would she tell Lup?

***

Angus held his Interceptor Book in his lap, brow furrowed, his eyes running over the lines again and again.

_“I found Lup. She’s safe. You’ll see her again when this done. I love you. Don’t interfere.”_ Sent twice, then nothing. Angus looked up with a frown on his face, thinking.

Taako’s staff shoots the letters L-U-P into a wall. The Director shows unusual concern. A few hours later, ‘I found Lup’ appears in his book (something that must have been sent with a spell and not a stone or else it wouldn’t have been intercepted).

He didn’t know enough to even begin coming to any conclusions… but maybe he wouldn’t be keeping the Director updated after all. Not yet. This may go deeper than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started writing this, I thought it would just be one long chapter, then I thought I'd break it down into three. Now that the writing is actually happening, it's looking to be closer to five, we'll see how that goes.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> (please, for the love of god, leave a comment if you want to see more, I have no self-discipline and need all the motivation I can get)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a frankly ridiculous amount of ducks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented! As a treat, here is the next chapter a day early! (Who am I kidding, there is no schedule, just fevered bouts of typing fueled by a need for validation.) Enjoy!

The next morning, Magnus and Merle were eating breakfast together in their quarters when there was a knock at the door. Merle opened it to reveal a rather tired looking Director holding a bag and asking to see Taako. Merle stayed to insensitively ask what had happened to her spa trip glow while Magnus went to retrieve their fellow Reclaimer.

Said Reclaimer was still sleeping and refused to get out of bed, so Magnus just shrugged and picked him up, carrying Taako to the living room sleepy sack and all.

The Director did not seem particularly phased as Magnus brought in the thrashing and cursing elf; she simply waited for Taako to quiet and turn his glare on her. When he did, the Director held out the bag.

“I did poke at it, and while I did not blow myself up, there was, in fact, an explosion.” Taako was still cocooned in the sleepy sack (and held up in Magnus’ arms), so it took a second of struggling for him to get a hand free to take the bag.

Magnus had heard about the whole Umbra Staff kerfuffle by now. Taako had sauntered back into their shared space the evening before, happy to show off his new staff—a colorful monstrosity with a million features of questionable usefulness. (Yes, apparently cup holders are _entirely_ necessary for an arcane focus.) After the initial excitement though, he proceeded to loudly and obnoxiously complain about the Director and the loss of his umbrella.

So Magnus knew Taako was upset, but he still didn’t quite expect how disappointed he would be—the way his face would fall before he wrestled it back into a mask of annoyed indifference—when he opened the bag and discovered the broken Umbra Staff.

The Director explained that she had found a curse on the staff, left behind by its previous owner. When she tried to remove it… well, it hadn’t gone great. The upside was that the remains were perfectly safe, so Taako could do with them what he willed. Taako had scoffed (“Thanks so much for taking my stuff and giving me back this bag of trash, Director, really appreciate it.”), then commanded that Magnus carry him back to bed. He did, however, keep the bag.

Since then, Taako had taken to fiddling with the broken staff in his free time, kind of half-heartedly trying to fix it and… actually seemed to be making some progress? Magnus didn’t know how that worked, but he also knew he probably wouldn’t understand even if he did ask, so he just left it alone.

After that day, the Director seemed… different. Magnus wasn’t quite sure about the cause, but he was sure he wasn’t imagining it. Maybe it was the spa trip with Merle? Maybe she felt bad about Taako’s staff? Maybe they were just growing on her? Whatever the reason, she seemed a bit more open around them. A little lighter in spirit. Though, the Director also seemed more tired these days, and the aforementioned slipping composure meant Magnus sometimes caught her looking _so_ sad. But overall, he thought things were better.

Despite that, he still wasn’t sure what to expect when she sought him out after a day spent training with Carey.

“Magnus, could I speak with you for a moment? Privately.” The Director’s face was very serious, and Magnus immediately started running the last 48 hours in his mind, wondering if he had done anything to piss her off.

“Sure, Director, what do you need?” She didn’t answer, instead just turning and walking down the hall. Magnus followed, and the Director eventually brought him to another training room, this one empty. She closed the door behind them, and Magnus braced himself for whatever serious business she was about to lay down.

“You are skilled in woodworking, yes?” Oh, that’s not what Magnus had been expecting.

“Director, I am the _best_ at working some wood. You see that duck Killian got for Candlenights? That was me. Why do you ask?” The Director wasn’t looking him in the eye anymore.

“I _did_ see Killian’s duck, and that’s why I’m here. I need to commission some wooden ducks.” Magnus blinked. It was hard to tell with the Director’s dark skin, but he would swear she was blushing, even as her tone remained perfectly even. “Specifically, I need six ducks, three of which look like you, the Reclaimers; two should look like Davenport and I; and the last one should just look like a duck with glasses.”

Magnus immediately had on the BIGGEST grin, and the Director started shaking her head frantically, saying, “No, no, stop that, stop doing that with your face.”

“Director, NOTHING would make me happier than to carve you a Bureau of Balance family of ducks.”

“They’re not for me, they’re for Davenport,” she said quickly.

Okay, _that_ was a fucking lie. The Director’s poker face was usually top tier, but Magnus _knows_ he saw her eyes dart away at that one. He didn’t think it was possible, but his smile stretched even wider.

“Sure, Director, sure.” Magnus reached out and patted the Director on the shoulder. He dropped his voice to a comedic whisper, “Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret.” She was facepalming now, but he was pretty sure she was struggling to keep down a smile.

“I will count on your discretion,” she muttered, then (there was no better word for it) fled.

“Wait!” he shouted after her. “Who’s the glasses duck supposed to be?”

“Don’t worry about it!” her already distant voice shouted back.

***

Lucretia came back to Lup two days after the breaking of the Umbra Staff. It was the middle of the night, and Lucretia could hear explosions as soon as she got off the elevator. When she made it to the bottom of the stairs, she could see Lup floating on her back and casually chucking fireballs at the ceiling, clearly bored out of her mind.

“You are making it very difficult for Robbie to sleep,” Lucretia said by way of greeting, setting down the heavy bag she had over one shoulder.

Lup’s hood turned to look at Lucretia, the flames puttering out. “Robbie?”

“The boys’ old roommate? Were you conscious for any of that?”

“Oh, Pringles! Wait, he’s down here, too?” Lup asked, lowering back down so she was vertical and facing her friend/jailer.

“ _Anyway,”_ Lucretia said, ignoring the question. Instead, she reached into the bag and started pulling out the contents. “I brought you some things, you can let me know if you want anything in particular for next time.” Lup floated to the edge of the circle, intrigued.

Lucretia set a music box on the floor and gingerly pushed it over the line, careful not to let her fingers brush the edge. “This is a composition by our bard, Johann; it was a collaboration between him and Fisher.” Lup picked it up and turned the key, and tinkling notes filled the room.

Next, Lucretia pulled out some heavy tomes, sliding those over as well. “Here are some histories of this world; things were rather hectic when we first arrived here, and I understand you haven’t had the opportunity to learn much about our new home since.”

Finally, she pulled out some paperbacks—the first three books in the _Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop_ series. “And _these_ come highly recommended by our resident detective.”

“Taako’s boy?” Lup asked, a smile in her voice as she looked over the pulpy cover art.

“Yes, not that he’d ever admit it,” Lucretia confirmed, chuckling.

“About that. I get that the kid is great and all, but, babe? Why the fuck did you let an actual infant into your super-secret doomsday organization?”

“He’s ten, not an infant.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t the most helpful point in Lucretia’s case.

“A literal baby.”

“That ‘literal baby’ managed to find us even through Fisher’s static. If the concern is for his safety, I would like to point out that every recent disaster has happened off-base; the moon is much safer than the ground these days.”

And the conversation continued. There was a tension present, the two couldn’t quite forget where they were, but almost. They could almost pretend this was just like old times as they moved from the topic of Angus, to Merle’s children that he thought Lucretia didn’t know about, to their weird spa trip.

When Lup asked about contacting Barry, Lucretia said only that she was still looking for a method of delivery but promised that she hadn’t forgotten.

***

After that, it became a regular thing for Lucretia to visit every few days, usually bringing gifts and always bringing gossip. She kept Lup updated on the boys, of course, but she also had a lot to say about the other members of the Bureau. While Lucretia insisted on keeping a professional distance between herself and her employees, she was clearly proud of the organization she had built and cared about her people beyond the mission. Lup thought it was sweet how invested she seemed in their stories.

As far as Lup understood, Lucretia hadn’t spoken with anyone as an equal, or with any kind of openness, in years, and these talks seemed to be doing her some good. On the downside, Lucretia was paranoid as shit, and she clearly didn’t want anyone to notice her making a habit of visiting the brig. This meant her visits were at odd hours, often in the middle of the night. If the bags under her eyes were anything to go by, it was really starting to fuck with her highly-regimented sleep schedule.

Lucretia had moved on from the upcoming Rites of Remembrance for Boyland and was starting to detail Johann’s most recent workplace drama with Leon when Lup held up a skeletal hand.

“Lucretia, my dear, you know I love it when you dish the tea, but you really should go get some rest. You look fucking exhausted,” Lup chided gently.

Lup could admit that the congeniality was a little odd. She was sure if Taako could see her now (assuming he could recognize her), he would be judging her _so_ hard for just letting Lucretia talk to her like nothing was wrong. But Lup could think of two justification that she thought were pretty solid.

One, Lup loved Lucretia dearly. After a hundred years of friendship, there were very few things Lucretia could do, besides maybe straight up murdering one of the others, that would change that fact. And as Lucretia’s friend, Lup hated seeing her so run down and isolated, even if the solution seemed to be a pretty easy _just stop doing this to yourself you are entirely responsible for this situation._ So, if Lup’s company was good for Lucretia’s mental health, she was down.

Two, Lup _was,_ in fact, super pissed with Lucretia. She had torn their family apart, and there really were no words to properly capture the fury of being released from one prison only to end up directly in another. But that anger wouldn’t be particularly helpful right now. Lucretia was set in her goals, and nothing Lup could say would dissuade her—she could see that now. If Lup wasted her time berating Lucretia or begging for her freedom… Lucretia might stop visiting in order to stay away from the guilt. Lup would be alone again, and she would have no idea what was going on with her family.

Lup had been very vocal about her worry for Barry’s loneliness, but it was a concern for herself as well. Bonds still made her what she was, and while she was fairly confident she could keep herself together with the strength of her own love (see the previous decade of captivity and utter isolation), it would be _so_ much easier if she didn’t have to. As long as Lucretia was willingly giving her connections to hold onto, Lup could focus her strength on figuring out how to escape, finding her husband, and saving her sister from her own bad decisions.

The umbrella had forced Lup to learn patience. She could deal with this bullshit a little longer.

“I—yes, you’re probably right,” Lucretia conceded, rising to her feet. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Lucretia reached within her robes and pulled out something small, which she tossed over the line to Lup. Lup caught it, and looked down to see a tiny, carved duck.

Lup had teased Lucretia mercilessly when she brought the first duck (a large one carved to look like Magnus) but still accepted the gift. Lup had never been as interested in Magnus’ carvings as some of the others, but in this situation they were nice to have. Lucretia had originally only commissioned six, but the work seemed to get Magnus on a roll, and he’d begun carving the entire Bureau unprompted.

The one Lucretia had just tossed her was clearly meant to be Angus. It was almost as small as Davenport’s duck, and it wore Angus’ signature hat and glasses, as well as a fancy vest; it also had a tiny star wand hanging from a lanyard etched into the chest.

“Oh my Pan.”

“I know, right?”

“That is fucking precious.”

Lup deliberated for just a moment before setting the Angus duck down between the Taako duck and the Magnus duck. Lucretia, meanwhile, took her leave.

“Goodnight, Lup.”

“Yeah, later.”

And then she was alone. Lup sighed, then levitated the rest of her ducks over to her, absently beginning to rearrange them. A line starting with Davenport, then Merle, then Taako… Lup picked up the glasses duck, absently running a finger over its polished head.

Lucretia hadn’t told Magnus who the glasses duck was supposed to be, but on some level Lup was sure that he understood. It wasn’t as detailed as some of the others, but there were small subtleties in the carving that were obvious to anyone who knew.

A tiny crackle of red jumped across Lup’s shoulders. Lucretia hadn’t mentioned Barry in a while now.

***

The Reclaimers had been briefed, the summer wear had been acquired, and the hunt for the Temporal Chalice was a go. The stars of the Bureau were climbing into the cannonball, under the nervous watch of Angus McDonald, when the Director came striding into the hangar, faster than dignity usually allowed. Her slightly strained expression shifted to one of relief.

“Oh, good, you’re still here. Before you go, I have one last thing.” The Director reached into her robes and pulled out three, unremarkable envelopes.

“Another bonus!” Merle cheered, eagerly snatching one as she extended them to the pod.

“Only if she figured out how to make them not shitty and jangly,” Taako laughed, leaning out of the pod and over Merle to take one for himself, Magnus following suit.

“No, no more bonuses, I already paid for your shorts,” the Director said, shaking her head. She glanced at Angus, who was watching the exchange with interest, and seemed to decide it was fine for him to listen.

“Now, you boys remember what I said to do if a Red Robe shows up?”

“Punch it!”

“Tell it to bite my ass!”

“Magic missile its dick.”

The Director was pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes closed.

“Cool, now what did I actually say?”

“Don’t talk to it, run the fuck away,” Magnus answered dutifully.

“Right, that one. I don’t want to hear ‘oh, we forgot’ this time, you’ve now been reminded. Anyway, these envelopes are just an extra precaution. They’re enchanted with a distractor spell—”

“Merle, fetch!” Magnus interrupted, throwing his envelope. It didn’t go very far, fluttering to the ground just a few feet away. No one moved. “I don’t think it works, Director.”

“… That’s because I made it specifically for highly-magical, _non-mortal_ creatures, but you do have the right idea. If the Red Robe shows up, throw one on the ground, and it will be compelled to stop and read it. This should buy you plenty of time to get away.”

“What does it say?” Merle asked, holding the envelope up to the light and squinting.

“Nothing, it’s just gibberish,” the Director said, dismissively. “The intention is for the Red Robe to waste its time trying to decipher something that can’t be deciphered.” Taako was frowning, looking at his envelope skeptically.

“You really think that will be necessary, Director?”

“We can’t be too careful. Based on what I heard, the Red Robe seems to be getting more aggressive, what with the screaming and bursting into flames and such.”

“I mean, the time before that it _killed_ a guy, so not so sure about that assessment.”

“Oh. Right. Well, regardless, you have them, so please use them if the Red Robe shows up. We are too close to our goal to fail now.”

***

The Tres Horny Boys (as they were apparently now known, fucking damn it) did not use the envelopes—at least, not for their intended purpose. Magnus tried to use his during one of their multiple conflicts with Roswell, which, okay, Taako could see what he was going for there. Roswell was obviously magical and probably not mortal, so it wasn’t the stupidest move, even if it ultimately didn’t work. (The clay construct barely glanced at the thing before continuing to try and skewer the fighter.) No benefit of the doubt for Merle though; throwing an envelope at the purple worm was just silly.

Taako had taken some time during one of the cycles to look at his envelope a bit more in depth, and he wasn’t really sure what to make of what he found.

He could see what Lucretia meant about it being gibberish. The text seemed to be a weird mishmash of common, elven, and dwarven characters, but there were no words that he recognized and no pattern that he could discern with a quick glance. There was definitely an enchantment on the paper, but it was way more subtle than the Director made it sound. It was more of a “hey, look at me” than a “I’m going to consume your every thought.” Not what you’d expect for something meant for a dreaded Red Robe.

Maybe it was just that Taako wasn’t the intended recipient. Lucretia probably knew something he didn’t.

Regardless, the purpose of the envelopes went unfulfilled, even when the actual point of them finally showed up. Taako absently thumbed at the paper in his pack as the Red Robe froze Avi and silenced their stones, but he didn’t pull it out. There was an unspoken understanding that they weren’t going to run. Besides the fact they’d be abandoning Avi—and the fact that they just generally never made the smart choice if they could help it—they were all too invested in hearing whatever creepy cryptic bullshit the thing was going to spout _this_ time.

Shit got _really_ weird when the Red Robe asked them if they _trusted_ it of all things. There was a moment when Merle almost got fried by a bolt of red lightning that Taako considered that _maybe_ the Director was right and they should have split, but the thing reigned itself in pretty soon after.

The Red Robe was talking to itself now, and it—he—sounded like just a dude. A dude who sounded so tired and so sad, and something in Taako _ached_ at hearing it. (Which, um, what the fuck? That’s not a thing he did. _Go away, empathy for strangers, I thought I killed you already_.)

But then the guy was back to speaking in Parseltongue, and he said, “The next time we meet, I will need you to trust me completely and absolutely. Otherwise, all of this will have been for nothing. The Hunger is almost here. And when it arrives, this world will be lost.”

With that ominous proclamation, the Red Robe seemed about to disappear, but then he paused, focusing in on Taako.

“Hey, Taako, what happened to your umbrella?” Taako instinctively glanced down at his new staff, then looked back at the specter, incredulous.

“I don’t know, why would that be any of your fucking business?” The Red Robe was quiet for a long moment, just floating. When he finally spoke, his voice was heavy enough to sink a ship.

“It belonged—it _belongs_ … My wife made it.” And there was that feeling again, a sorrow that welled up in Taako that had no business being there and was kind of starting to freak him out. Taako opened his mouth, not really sure _what_ he was going to say, but the Red Robe cut him off.

“Nevermind. Just—just remember what I said.” And then he vanished.

***

Her boys had returned from their mission successful, triumphant, and clearly unsettled by the not insignificant amount of death and dying they had endured. Lucretia was going to have to unpack the whole “endless cycles of death” and the unnerving parallels to their previous lives thing later, but in the meantime there was plenty of reason for the Bureau to celebrate. There were no actual losses to report other than the loss of Merle’s envelope to the purple worm. No sign of the Red Robe. Everything was great.

Lucretia let her head thunk down onto her desk, ignoring the concerned gnome that came to check on her as she cursed under her breath.

Barry had not shown. Barry had not received Lucretia’s letters—letters that were the only solution Lucretia had been able to come up with short of carving “I found Lup” into the bottom of the moon base (which was unacceptable for obvious reasons). Barry still had no idea what had become of the one most precious to him, and now Lucretia couldn’t even know if _he_ was okay.

_Gods fucking damn it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems very reasonable to me that, after a hundred years together, the IPRE would make their own language. I was originally going to include Gnomish in the description, but, according to the PHB, gnomes and dwarves use the same alphabet, so Taako wouldn't have noticed.
> 
> Sorry not a lot happened this chapter, we need this one to transition into the fun stuff. Don't worry, Lup will have more to do soon.
> 
> If you liked this chapter and want to see more, please leave a comment! (So far they are excellent for getting me to focus on this story instead of my school work.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drags self out of hell* *drops chapter at your feet* *succumbs*

“Remember, kids, becoming a lich is a big commitment, and it’s important to do your research and know the side effects before you make any decisions. Sure, anyone with a passing knowledge knows about the insanity and megalomania, but did you know that giving up your mortality also makes you infinitely more susceptible to anti-magic, anti-undead bullshit?” Lup fake-lectured to an imaginary audience as she worked. She had just finished transmuting the books Lucretia had given her into little piles of dirt—not her specialty, but her twin had given her some tips over the years—and she now had a sizable amount to work with.

“‘Oh, Miss Lup, are you telling us this cause _you_ didn’t know about the anti-undead bullshit?’ Great question, imaginary child. Actually, I did know about it! I knew the risks I was taking, and I was totally prepared to deal with any capture and/or magical enslavement from whatever dumbass was stupid enough to try.” Lup’s voice was turning from lecture-y to rant-y as she telepathically shoved all of the little piles into one big mound.

The whole room was a perfect circle, 60 feet in diameter. In the center was a 40-foot diameter Magic Circle, which took up most of the floor space but left plenty of room to walk safely around the outside. The ceiling was 20 feet above. Every surface was made of a dull, thick metal. This had been Lup’s whole world for the past three months and all she had to work with as she tried to escape.

Admittedly an upgrade from her previous situation, but that was an incredibly low bar to beat.

 _Phenomenal cosmic power, itty-bitty living space,_ Lup thought absently as she began moving through the somatic components of the spell, tracing the air.

“No, my mistake was grossly underestimating how much friendly fire was going to be involved. I certainly didn’t expect the first dumbass to be _myself_ dropping in with a literal prison of my own making, but, hey, shit happens, you can’t prepare for everything. The real kicker is when you tell your little sister how to beat you in case you ever go on a murder rampage, and then said sister uses said knowledge for non-murder rampage situations. Not cool, hypothetical little sister, not cool.”

On that note and with a final flourish, Lup cast Conjure Elemental. The ground trembled for a moment, and from the mound in front of her rose a large, vaguely humanoid pile of earth and rock. It looked to her for direction, and Lup provided by pointing to the rim of the circle.

“Hey there, rock friend, think you can smash that for me?”

Lucretia was a master of abjuration, probably the best in all the planes, and that was reflected in her work here. This Magic Circle was much larger than normal and, unlike most, it was permanent. It was the kind of spellwork most wizards could only ever dream of. These changes did, however, make the spell more fragile in some ways. Magic would do nothing here, but powerful physical attacks could warp or dent the metal floor underneath the runes, and that slight imperfection should be enough for Lup to break through.

That was the plan anyway, which was immediately thwarted. Because, apparently, Lup wasn’t allowed to have nice things.

The elemental raised its huge fist to swing down on the floor, but the second its arc passed over the boundary of the circle, it vanished, abruptly shoved back to its home plane as the magic keeping it in this place was canceled out.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.”

Lup didn’t bother keeping herself upright. She couldn’t really flop dramatically to the floor like she would if she had a body, but she could let herself float down and sort of melt, loosening the structure of her form until she was just a puddle of magic and red cloth on the ground.

“You did it, Lucretia. You figured out how to kill me twice. I’m dead again, and yet I’m still here, that’s how good your stupid fucking spell is, I hope you’re proud,” Lup complained to the empty room. She let her eyes wander her maddeningly familiar surroundings, eventually landing on Duck Taako. Lup recognized that empty stare—he was judging her so hard right now.

“Oh, please, like you could do better.” No response. “Oh, _Pan,_ I’m talking to the ducks now. I need to get out of here.”

Which, duh, that had been obvious from the beginning, but the need was becoming increasingly pressing. Doomsday was fast approaching, and Lucretia—

Lup barely saw Lucretia these days. Her visits were getting fewer and farther between, and when she did show up—looking more exhausted each time—it was more of a quick check-in than a proper chat. _Just letting you know, the boys are still training, and we’re still not talking about Barry. By the way, have you gone insane yet? No? Cool, see you next week._ At least, that’s how it felt.

Lup couldn’t really blame her for the neglect; Lucretia was preparing the boys for _Wonderland._

When Lucretia told her that they found the Chalice, Lup had been scared. Magnus’ relic was so powerful and so dangerous, and Lucretia was going to send the boys in after it basically blind. It was the one time in this whole ordeal when Lup wished she was still in the Umbrastaff, because then she could at least _be_ there, could know what was going on and maybe provide a small amount of aid at just the right moment.

That fear was nothing compared to when Lup looked at Lucretia’s aged face—Lucretia, the strongest mortal Lup knew and a woman with one hundred years of trials behind her—knowing that Wonderland had almost killed her and knowing that she would send their friends in anyway.

Lucretia had gone in alone. Taako, Magnus, and Merle would have each other. That was Lup’s one point of hope here, but it was hard to hold onto in the face of all they didn’t know, all the memories they wouldn’t be able to draw from. She couldn’t let them do this without her; Lup _needed_ to be there. Unfortunately, this room didn’t care what she needed.

Lup had been working nonstop towards escape, but with this final failure she was officially out of ideas. She had thought since the elemental existed independently of her magic, even though her magic had brought it here, that it would be able to cross the boundary. No dice. (She would have tried Conjure Elemental earlier, but she had to take some time to relearn the spell that she hadn’t used in some 30 odd years. In her defense, why summon backup when she and her family were generally the heaviest hitters in any given plane?)

There was a sound of fluttering paper as the spell on the transmuted books suddenly ended; all at once, there were thousands of loose pages scattered across the floor, free of their bindings and all mixed together from her mixing the dirt. Lup sighed. At least fixing them would give her something to do.

As she had said to her imaginary audience earlier, Lup had thought herself prepared for the dangers of lichdom. Most of that preparation, however, was just knowing that she had a strong will and that she had people who loved her, who would never abandon her or stop fighting to get her back if she was ever lost to them.

Lup couldn’t do this on her own. She needed her family.

***

_“They are extremely dangerous. They cannot be trusted. Don’t listen to a word they say, they will lie to you to get you to do whatever they want, but their purposes are evil, Magnus, they are beings of pure, concentrated evil.”_

_“But how do you know?”_

_“I – I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with the Red Robes.”_

_“And they’ve all been evil?”_

_“Invariably.”_

Magnus liked the Director, considered her a friend, but he couldn’t believe that’s all there was to the story. Not with that picture of himself as a Red Robe burning a hole in his pocket, not with everything that his brain _couldn’t_ understand no matter how hard he tried. So, if she wouldn’t help him, he would just need to find the answers himself.

Which was how he found himself standing over two unconscious guards inside the dome leading to the brig. Two guards who definitely saw his face, whose absence would definitely be noticed… right after he had pestered the Director about letting him go see Pringles. Hoo boy. He really hoped he got some good info in the short term, because long term he was definitely fucked.

 _Well, this is bad, but it could have gone worse,_ he thought to himself as he began tying up the first guard.

“Sir?” a tiny, horrified voice asked, and Magnus looked up to see Angus McDonald standing in the doorway to the dome, eyes wide and mouth agape as he took in the scene.

_Ah, this is worse._

“Hey, Ango, what’s up?” Magnus greeted casually, like he wasn’t currently wrapping rope around a man’s ankles. Internally, he was frantically evaluating what lengths he was willing to go to not get caught and whether or not those lengths included putting a child in a sleeper hold.

Angus stared at him a second longer before seeming to snap out of it. He quickly glanced around the quad, then dashed inside, door closing behind him. To Magnus’ utter bafflement, Angus picked up the other end of the rope and started tying the man’s wrists together.

“Sir, respectfully, this is a horrible, horrible plan.” Magnus blinked.

“Uh, well, it seems to be going okay so far?”

“No, it’s really not. I know your motto is ‘Magnus rushes in,’ but some— some foresight or really any thought at all would have been good here,” the boy scolded, finishing his current knot and moving to the second guard. “I mean, I know my plan wasn’t perfect, but it least accounted for things like guards and witnesses and—”

“Wait, _your plan_?”

“Alright, sir, where are we going to put these two?” Angus asked instead of answering, already finished with the second guard. Magnus stared.

“Right, okay, so you’re also trying to break into the brig?”

“Yes, and if you want to come with me, we should really hurry up. The Director’s not expecting me back for an hour, but you’re supposed to be leaving right now.”

“…Fair.” Magnus grabbed his Pocket Workshop from his belt and popped it open. Magnus quickly maneuvered the guards down the stairs, then he and Angus were hopping in the elevator and going down. Magnus gave Angus the side-eye.

“Sooo, I know why _I’m_ going to the brig, but why are _you_ going to the brig?”

“The Director has been visiting the brig late at night. Too often for it to just be about Robbie. I want to know why,” Angus answered matter-of-factly, though the way he kept touching his lanyard wand betrayed his nerves. “There’s some other stuff too, but I don’t—I don’t want to say anything else in case I’m wrong. I don’t think the Director is doing anything bad, but I need to know what’s going on.”

Angus had his game face on, a look Magnus hadn’t seen since the train. It was more comforting than Magnus was willing to admit, knowing he wasn’t alone in this.

When they reached the brig, Magnus immediately went to Pringles to begin questioning. Angus, surprisingly, did not; instead, he went and started peering into the other cells. When that seemed to turn up nothing, he moved to the back of the room, to a solid metal door Magnus had barely noticed.

Magnus had just finished promising Pringles that he would bring him snacks later when Angus finally piped up.

“Mister Robbie, do you know what is behind this door?” Pringles started a little, apparently only just noticing Angus was there.

“No idea, little kid I’ve never met. The Director sure likes to visit though, and I’ve heard some wild noises coming from back there.”

“What kind of noises?” Angus asked, eyes gleaming from behind his glasses. At this point, Magnus moved to join him at the door, looking for any structural weaknesses before setting his eyes on the keypad lock.

“Weird ones. Sometimes it’ll be quiet for days, and then I’ll hear a whole lot of banging all at once. Sometimes it sounds like someone’s setting off a bunch of bombs. A couple of times I thought I heard yelling, but it was really quiet—might’ve been a hallucination to be honest, it gets really lonely down here.”

“And these noises happen when the Director visits?”

“Nah, not since the first time. That was real wild actually, I was sleeping and woke up to, like, a _huge_ explosion. I thought we were gonna start falling out of the sky. And then later it sounded like thunder, and then the Director came out after a while and,” Pringles dropped his voice to a whisper, like he was saying something scandalous, “she looked like she’d been crying. And I think there might have been blood in her hair?”

In a normal tone, “Anyway, she kept going back. She even brought me pringles a few times, so that was nice. Even if she never answered my questions…”

Magnus and Angus exchanged a look. Magnus could practically hear a clock ticking, reminding him of how much time they were taking. He needed to go back, now, but this was too much to pass up. What if he could find answers down here? Also, what the fuck could be down there that could make the Director _cry?_

“Mister Robbie, this seems unlikely, but did you ever see her type in the code?”

“Oh yeah, lots of times, but she always covered it with her body. I know it’s a pretty long one though, and… it might start with a 9? I think I saw that once before she got in the way.” Angus looked disappointed.

“Hm, if it’s just a random string of numbers then figuring out the code will be almost impossible. Even if it’s something personal, I don’t really know the Director well enough to start guessing… Oh, wait a second.” Angus grabbed the little satchel he had at his side and started digging through it.

Magnus, meanwhile, had still been staring at the keypad. Pringles had said it started with a 9… Without thinking, he reached out and pressed the button. Then he kept pressing buttons, his fingers moving like this was muscle memory.

“Here it is! With this dust we could—Magnus, stop, it could be alarmed!” Angus shouted, looking up from his bag and seeing what Magnus had been doing. By the time Magnus’ brain registered the words, he had already hit another number, and there was a loud buzzing noise.

Both of them flinched hard, but the buzz only lasted a split second, and then the door was popping open.* Both of them stared at the cracked doorway, then at each other.

“Oh shit, nice going, Magnus!” Pringles cheered from his cell. Magnus would have liked to join him in celebrating, but his brain was spinning too much for him to be excited.

“Magnus, sir, how did you know the code?” Angus asked, sliding the jar he’d been pulling out back into his bag.

“Uh, lucky guess?” Angus looked unimpressed.

“That is literally impossible, sir, but I’ll take your word for it for now.” With that, the boy detective started forward, and Magnus immediately grabbed his shirt to pull him back.

“Nuh-uh, Ango, we don’t know what’s down there. I’ll go first, you stay back until we know it’s safe.” Angus pouted a bit at that but nodded, falling into line behind Magnus as they started onto the dim landing and down the stairs beyond.

Magnus was moving cautiously, but he still almost tripped as he heard something he wasn’t expecting: a woman’s voice, calling the Director’s name.

“Lucretia? You back already?”

Magnus gave Angus a wide-eyed look over his shoulder, then sped down the rest of the stairs, freezing when he made it to the doorway. Beyond the threshold was a wide room with a big white circle on the floor.

Floating in the center, watching him, was a Red Robe.

A Red Robe. Here, on the moon. Lucretia, the Madame Director of the Bureau of Balance, the one who insisted that she knew very little about their supposed enemy and that they were too dangerous to fight, was keeping a Red Robe in her basement.

“Magnus?” And there was another layer of fuckery; while clearly surprised by his arrival, the Red Robe sounded so _happy_ to see him. That happiness quickly shifted into what sounded oddly like concern as she floated closer, stopping at the edge of the circle.

“Magnus, what are you doing here? Lucretia said she was sending you to Wonderland, did something happen?”

Magnus stared at her. The implications of that sentence were a bit much for him at the moment, so instead he looked around the room.

The Red Robe wasn’t the only thing in the circle. Magnus saw one of Johann’s music boxes, a bunch of books, and… his ducks. The ducks Magnus had been carving for the Director these past few months were sitting in the Red Robe’s circle, arranged in different scenes. The reclaimer ducks were all in a line, with the tiny Angus duck riding on the Taako duck’s back. The Carey and Killian ducks were cozied up together, sitting in a little house made of books. The Avi and Johann ducks were kissing.

“What. The. Fuck.” The Red Robe crossed her arms.

“Hey, I don’t need your judgment, it gets really fucking boring down here,” she said, defensively, and Magnus felt like he was losing his mind.

“Okay, this is—this is a lot. This is a lot to unpack, and I do _not_ have enough time for it, so you’re gonna need to talk fast.”

“Magnus, I—” He didn’t let her finish, instead whipping out the Refuge picture and shoving it towards her non-face. (Though not quite over the line.)

“Explain.”

***

Lup stared at the paper in Magnus’ hand, trying to focus but finding it difficult. Magnus was _here._ Her friend had found her, but he didn’t remember her, and it hurt more than Lup had expected. She’d thought the umbrella was bad, but it was one thing for your friends to not know that you were there and another for them to see you but not know you.

“Well?” he asked, clearly impatient. Lup could see that Magnus was nervous, and while that could be explained by the presence of the ‘dastardly Red Robe,’ there seemed to be more to it. He kept glancing over his shoulder and twitching and—yeah, he definitely wasn’t supposed to be here. Lup felt some excitement growing. Was Magnus finding his way out from under Lucretia’s thumb?

Lup looked at the picture, and while she didn’t know exactly what was going on in the image, she could use context clues. Magnus had found evidence of his past as a ‘Red Robe,’ and it was freaking him out. She needed to be careful.

“Magnus, does this picture give you a headache when you look at it too long?”

“Yes,” he answered tightly.

“Then I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything about this you don’t already know. Something is blocking your thoughts, and if we push too hard we could end up breaking your brain.” Magnus looked frustrated and like he was probably about to start yelling, but he didn’t get the chance.

“If you can’t answer his questions, maybe you can answer mine,” a slightly shaky voice called out, and Lup looked up to see Angus fucking McDonald come striding into the room, clutching his wand tightly in a fist.

“Angus, I told you to stay back until it was safe, this is definitely not safe!” Lup shot Magnus an incredulous look.

“Magnus! What are you doing dragging Angus into all of this!”

“He didn’t drag me anywhere, ma’am. I came here because I’m investigating a mystery,” Angus corrected while Magnus sputtered at Lup’s admonishment. Magnus had let the hand holding the picture fall to his side, and Angus took advantage of this, snatching it from the fighter’s fingers while he was distracted.

“Hey, not cool!” Magnus quickly took the picture back, but not before Angus got a good look at it. Lup could see the way his faced scrunched up as his brilliant brain tried to comprehend the image and failed.

“Okay, we can worry about that later. Will you agree to answer my questions?” If Lup had eyebrows, they would be crawling off her forehead.

“I mean, I’ll try, but the same rules apply, Angus; I don’t want you to get hurt.” He nodded, and Lup let herself float down, sitting so she would be closer to his level.

“First question: is your name Lup?” What?

“How did you know that?” she asked, startled, and he clearly took that for an answer.

“Second question.” Angus reached into his satchel and pulled out a blue book. Flipping it open, he read aloud, “‘ _I found Lup. She’s safe. You’ll see her again when this done. I love you. Don’t interfere.’_ I intercepted this message a few months ago, and it now seems safe to conclude that it was sent by the Director. Do you know who she was sending it to?”

“… Intercepted. As in, the message never reached its recipient, right?” Lup asked lowly.

“Please answer the question, ma’am.” A yes then. Lup couldn’t quite help the helpless laugh that bubbled out at that, though she hated to see the way it made her guests tense.

“Lucretia was the messenger, yes. The message was meant for my husband. You see, I’ve been missing for a long time, and Lucretia was trying to let him know that I was okay.”

“Umbrella wife!” Magnus suddenly shouted, snapping his fingers, and Lup and Angus both turned to stare.

“In Refuge, the Red Robe was bugging Taako about his umbrella, and he said his wife made it. That was you?” Lup gasped and surged back into the air so she was eye-level with Magnus.

“You saw Ba- you saw my husband again? Is he okay?”

“Wait, you saw the Red Robe in Refuge? Why didn’t you say anything to the Director?”

“Why didn’t you say anything about the message?”

“Why didn’t you say anything about the picture?”

“Okay, we don’t actually have time for all that.” Magnus swung his attention back to Lup, who was currently putting off small, anxious sparks. “You need to start giving some real answers. To start, why would the Director be telling a Red Robe that you’re okay? Why are you talking about her like you’re friends? Why do you care if Angus or I get hurt? Why are you here, and why the fuck did Lucretia give you my ducks?”

“I’ll answer your questions, but you have to answer mine first. Is my husband okay? Did he—did he seem sane? Any better or worse than the other times you saw him?” Magnus pursed his lips.

“I mean, I’ll be honest, he didn’t seem great. He got really sparky when he asked if we trusted him and we said no, and then he was talking to himself, saying things like, ‘I can’t do it anymore’ and ‘I’m sorry Lup.’ Then he said we needed to trust him next time, then he said the umbrella wife stuff, then he left.”

Despite not needing the support, Lup braced her hands against the walls of her enclosure, letting her hood hang as she fought off her own sparks. She took a deep (unnecessary) breath.

“Shit. Okay. Okay. Rough but not gone, I can work with that. Thank you for telling me.”

“Your turn,” Magnus said firmly. Angus gasped.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Angus pointed his wand at Lup, and she felt a familiar warmth wash over her as the boy cast Zone of Truth. Obviously Lup had hella Charisma, but little man had caught her in a rough moment, and she felt it as the spell managed to take effect.

Which, actually, totally fine.

***

“Okay, you want the truth? I’m here because Lucretia realized I was trapped in the Umbrastaff, and she wanted to let me out without letting me loose. I talk about her like a friend because she _is_ my friend. She’s trying to contact my husband because she knows he has been searching for me for years, and she doesn’t want him to go insane the way liches tend to do when they lose their connections.”

“Lucretia gave me the ducks because she feels bad about keeping me locked up, and she thought it would be nice for me to have something that represents the people I love so I also don’t go insane. And I care if you and Angus get hurt because, despite what Lucretia has told you, I’m not fucking evil.”

Silence hung heavy in the room. Magnus longed for a day when he didn’t have to question literally everything he thought he knew. Angus broke first.

“You love us?” Lup’s hood cocked to the side a bit.

“Well, I don’t love everyone in the Bureau, but I care about them because Lucretia cares about them. I do love Magnus, and I love you because Taako loves you.”

“H-How do you—”

“Umbrastaff, remember? I was there for the magic lessons. Trust me, I can tell. Also, sorry about your cookies, little dude.”

“Why is the Director keeping you locked up if all that’s true?” Magnus interrupted, glancing back at the door. It physically pained him to just ignore the love thing, cause what the fuck, but they’d been here too long already. There was obviously too much he didn’t know to get through it all, so he would have to be discerning in his questions.

“Because she knows if she lets me go, I’ll try to stop her plan.”

“Her plan to destroy the relics? Why would you stop her if she’s your friend and you’re not evil?” A thought occurred to Magnus. “Did you guys even make the relics or was that a lie too?”

“Okay, there is so much to this that you literally _can’t_ know, let me see if I can sum this up without going staticky.” Lup steepled skeletal fingers in front of her hood.

“Lucretia was telling the truth when she said we made the relics but lying when she said it was for power. The real reason we made them was to save the world from the apocalypse. You with me so far?”

“I’m hearing the words you’re saying, if that’s what you mean,” Magnus answered incredulously. There was a low-level buzz of static in the back of his head, but nothing she said was being blocked out yet.

“Excellent. Anyway, you’ve seen the consequences of this decision; thousands of people died because of the relics, but at least the world as a whole survived. The relics worked. But Lucretia couldn’t handle the cost, so she decided to enact her own plan.” _What was she doing with the Red Robes in the first place?_ Magnus wanted to ask, but even thinking the question made the edges of his thoughts fuzzy, so he held it in.

“Lucretia’s plan is to save the world without the loss of life. The problem is it won’t work. If she’s allowed to continue, she will kill the very world she’s trying to protect. This plane will be dust and us along with it.” Okay, he couldn’t stay quiet for that one.

“That doesn’t make any sense. The Director’s the smartest person I know, how could she screw up saving the world enough to destroy it? And what fucking apocalypse, what are you even talking about?”

“Magnus, I would tell you if I could, but I’m pretty sure that takes us into mindfuck territory.”

“Bullshit. Angus, your spell malfunctioned, we need to try something else.”

“Sir, I-I know it sounds crazy, but I _know_ the spell worked, she has to be telling the truth. I mean, she could be twisting things to just be _technically_ true, but there’s only so much room for interpretation here.” Magnus huffed in anger, turning back to the Red Robe.

“Okay, so, if that’s the truth, what does that mean? We’ve been destroying the world the whole time we’ve been helping her? What do we do to stop it? Do I need to sabotage the mission, stop the Director from getting the Animus Bell?”

“Ehhh, unfortunately that would only stop Lucretia’s plan, not the originally scheduled apocalypse. Which was back on schedule as soon as Lucretia got the Gauntlet, which means it’ll be happening any day now.”

“Well then, how do we stop _that_ one?” Magnus asked sarcastically.

“We can’t.”

“FUCK!” Magnus started pacing, reaching up and running his hands through his hair. He looked to Angus; the boy was staring at him, fear clear on his face.

“Sir, what do we _do?_ ” he asked, voice trembling, and _he just turned 11,_ Magnus remembered, and he hated himself for letting Angus come down here.

“We can’t stop the apocalypse from coming, but we can rise to meet it,” Lup said, interrupting their respective meltdowns. “Magnus, you need to let me out of here. I need to find my husband; together, I’m sure we can come up with something.” Before Magnus could object, she continued.

“In the meantime, I think you should go on the mission as planned—Taako and Merle need you, and we might be able to do something if we have all the relics in one place. I’ll come join you as soon as I can to help, and we can figure out our next move.”

The Red Robe was floating in front of him, expectant. Magnus gave her a long, hard look.

He thought of the sorrow he’d heard in the Red Robe’s voice that day outside of Refuge ( _“My wife made it.”_ ), the pang of empathy Magnus couldn’t help as he’d thumbed his own wedding band carved by Julia. He thought of the determination he’d heard in Lup’s voice just now, protective and fierce. He thought of how, despite her outlandish claims with no logical explanation, he inexplicably felt like he could trust her… Magnus knew what he felt, but he had to be sure.

“Are you only technically telling the truth right now? Are you withholding any information so I’ll let you go, and then you can fuck us later?”

“No. I am withholding information, but only because of time and magic constraints. If you could know everything, I _know_ you would help me. Please, Magnus. I just want to save my family and the world, if I can.”

“Fine, what do you need?” Magnus didn’t know how he could tell, but Lup was beaming.

“That axe you got there? I just need you to take it and fucking wail on this bit of floor as hard as you can, if you don’t mind.”

“Awesome, I love it when the answer is ‘hit the thing real hard.’ Angus, get back.”

Angus retreated to the doorway while Magnus drew Railsplitter and lined himself up. He brought the axe down with all his strength, a loud _clang_ echoing through the room as it bounced off the metal floor.

“Again, keep going,” Lup urged, her spectral form pressing right up against the edge. Magnus huffed and tried again. He swung four more times before Lup shouted for him to stop.

There was an almost imperceptible divot in the floor, and Lup was feeling along the air above that spot. She cheered as she seemed to find what she was looking for, and Magnus watched as the Red Robe lost shape and started straining through the invisible fracture. Almost like water leaking out of a cracked cup, Lup’s form dripped down the side of her containment, reforming once she was all the way out right in front of Magnus.

The next moment Magnus was shrieking and throwing his hands up as the Red Robe launched herself at him, throwing her incorporeal skeletal arms around his neck and—oh, that was a hug.

“Fucking finally! Thanks, Mags, you have no idea how much that sucked,” Lup laughed, her voice loud in his ear. She pulled back before Magnus had to decide if he was hugging back or not, her affect instantly more serious.

“Okay, time for that later, we both have places to be. Magnus, be careful, keep yourself and the boys safe, I’ll bring backup as soon as I can. Angus,” she turned to the boy detective who had crept back into the room. She floated over so she was sort of kneeling in front of him. “I’m sorry, I know this is all really scary. Just stay near Lucretia the next couple of days, okay? She’s the strongest human I know, she’ll keep you safe when everything starts popping off.”

Angus looked fit to burst with all the questions he still had, but he just nodded.

“Okay, Miss Lup. And I’m sorry about the message.”

“No big deal, Pumpkin. Thanks for telling me though, it’s good to know Lucretia at least tried. We can just take that and the cookies and call it even.” Angus looked about to object to the comparison, but Lup was already back in the air with a clap of her skeletal hands.

“Anyway, keep it sleazy, fellas, I’ll catch you later. I’ve got a ghost to go smooch.”

Without a sound, the Red Robe vanished. Magnus hoped he did the right thing.

“Oh, beans.” Magnus shot Angus a fake-scandalized look at the expletive. Despite everything going on, Angus managed to look adorably grumpy. “I forgot to ask her about the letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *in a The The Adventure Zone Zone, Griffin mentions that the keycode to Lucretia's office was the number of people who died the day the Hunger came for their original plane, a number none of them could ever forget, and he would have let them in if they guessed any number with enough digits. (Just so y'all know I didn't pull this out of my ass.)
> 
> Sorry for the delay y'all, school has been ramping up, and when I did have time for writing this chapter would just not work with me. I still feel like it's not really ready, but I just needed to be done with it before it drove me insane. Next chapter is my favorite tho, so hopefully I'll have the inspiration to get that one out quicker.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and please leave a comment if you liked or want to see more! (Also, everyone please be safe out there.)


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